Doctor Eight Quietly Releases Rare Mark Douglas-Kenner Interview

The following are excerpts from a precious interview with Mark Douglas-Kenner, posthumously cleared for release by Doctor Eight. Content has been edited for the security of this Men’s club. Do not ask for more.

Stephen: I am Stephen. I do not need to explain myself.

Mark Douglas-Kenner: I am Mark Douglas-Kenner, in application to NYGA\B, and I would like to join you a lot.

S: Stop that yammering.

MDK: Yes.

S: There are thirteen questions that Doctor Eight and the Seniors will witness you answer truthfully. You may think, “This isn’t a big deal at all. This is something that people do every day in interviews for jobs.”

MDK: ....

S: Shut up!

MDK: ....

Excerpt Interrupted

S: Question Three. Describe a bullet you once dodged.

MDK: I almost really got it for [redacted], but did I learn my lesson on that day I can tell you.

S: Thank you for being brief. Question Four. Why did you sing in a choir? What was that life like?

MDK: Um, at first my parents made me, in Pennsylvania, and it seemed boring at first and then fun. I remember Washington Memorial Chapel, Shoo-Fly Pie, the feeling of singing lightly over the ten...

S: Enough!

MDK: Sure. Ok.

Excerpt Interrupted.

S: These questions are stripping you down. Do you still want to be in NYGA\B?

MDK: Yes.

S: That was not the eighth question, puffpump! What is service to you?

MDK: Is that the....?

S: Yes!

MDK: Oh, uh, service is doing good for other people. And...

S: Speak so Doctor Eight might hear you and be proud, jerk!

MDK: Service is when you do something and don’t ask for anything in return?

S: That sounds interesting to us all.

MDK: Thanks?

S: Shut your mouth!

Excerpt Interrupted

S: That wraps it up for Mark Douglas-Kenner and his club friendship. He is a failure and can’t think for himself. We laugh at him ha ha noxious gas! Fuck you, pal. Fuck your family!

MDK: I’m sorry. I’m....so....sorry. [redacted] I made myself a reminder.

Doctor Eight: I have heard enough.

S: Doctor Eight?

D.E.: Bring him to the kitchen.

Interview End

Crash-Cart Sharing....Wipe Your Nose, Boy

Mark Douglas-Kenner's passing stands for a lot, but there's also some outstanding items on the hot docket - special meeting called for pronto.

A sharing circle is arranged for Union Street Tea Lounge (btw 6th and 7th across from our sworn hippie bullshit enemies). Shara will clear corner space for 20-25 Juniors. Bring small change and a friendship token.

Guest speaker N. Shank will penetrate your experience of emotional abuse. He can see your inner eye and has been given access to membership documents. Don't hide the sloughing off you received from chancre mommy and fucking tulip daddy. Grow up, stand up, and share with other Juniors. How might you help others if you don't cut that velvet tether? Let go of special teddy you nitwit!

Your life is a web of lies. So is Doctor Eight's. "Be the Perp, not the Pushover" is at the Tea Lounge during Sunday rest - 3pm.

Don't Break Rules,
Stephen
(approved D.E.)

In Perilous Days -- A Beacon of Thrift

We've blown our hearts open.

One of our own is down, and will stay down. Some provisional short-term measures to feather out dissent are in order. With forget-me-not blood trust, I mark you for not thinking of it first.

There is nothing more than peppery submission in this club. Deliveries have been soft and late to elderly drop-points, and Legion contacts recommend personnel changes. Raking is late, and New York Cares interference was a nickel short of naughty. We will not suffer chuckles from well shorn financiers. They will suffer.

Provisions:

1. Laundry service terminated. Buttondowns and cool shorts will be washed one at a time big-boy style: with quarters and elbow grease. Enjoy the work. Complaining cuts you in half.

2. The hard knock promises. Seniors enact that old song and dance on Juniors to connect club charter to club chatter. The end we experienced is a beginning. We are on a bouncing thing so remember to remain limber.

3. Social Saturdays. Every other Saturday now requires a small meeting. Stephen presides and everyone understands the meaning is fun. Bring a dangle, but don't forget that we're a men's club.

4. Tighten up.

5. Scale back official recipes to the necessary content. We fed an army on this one, but we don't own a houseboat. Our service will be done hungry if necessary. Shut up.

The NYGA\B is a stronger place for Mark's passing. Let us remember now who we were once.

Ratified,
Doctor Eight

Mark Douglas-Kenner, NYGA\B, RIP

It is without shame that we ream the world for our expanding loss. If you don’t know, now you know that a budding Junior Member of the NYGA\B is fucking dead as the dump. We are a men’s club, not a huggybunch sipping circle. Our young friend has changed to dead and the clubhouse door is nailed shut.

Some book about leadership made the decision for me to demand Juniors, Seniors, and backstabbing pantywaist imposter-kings to share feelings in the strange days of death talk. My mouth is a dead place, but those little contributors don’t have to answer to Mark’s mother. Her insistence bound me to her, and to the somber promises beyond decoration.

The repellant human changes. Douglas-Kenner, I remember your face. Your colleagues share their words and works.

Your Leader,
Doctor Eight

“I can’t. We started this thing together and said that we would make it. Mark, I love you. I’ll do your work in honor of the promises we made. This isn’t the end, it’s a beginning.”
-Ogden

“Your supervision was my joy, young man. I’m talking to you and you’re dead, so this is for me but also those other young men. Don’t waver. Doctor Eight stands for that. Mark Douglas-Kenner, you have different meanings. I won’t interrogate you now. It’s too late. Way too late.”
-Stephen.

“I could have gone easier on you Mark. You should have told us. Damn it, you should have told me! Goodbye, you sweet kid.”
-Peter

“Those boys came around here for a cut. I never knew their names or whatever, but they opened doors, and we saw them around the neighborhood. Nice boys. It’s a shame.”
-Vincent, Park Slope Barber

“Mark brought me treats. A quiet boy, it's just horrible.”
- Marion J. Thurber, Neighborhood Resident

Let it be known that when former member and co-founder S.T.A.L.L.I.O.N. was contacted through Stephen, his ice-cold response was the following obituary, likely cut and pasted from the internet. Not a personal word. His resistance is of some interest to me. -D.E.

Mark Douglas-Kenner b.11.6.72 d.10.14.07
Neophyte Prospect NYGA\B, died Sunday in his Bronx apartment while making a routine oven thermostat check. An investigation conducted by FDNY inspectors and NYGA\B Senior Staff has ruled out any foul play. Cause of death recorded: asphyxiation.

Enthusiasma: Walking, HVAC, Small Appliance Repair, Rabbits.
Survived by three prize winning Langerhans Rabbits.
Memorial Services to be commenced on Sunday 10.21.07 at Blossom Rec Ctr and Banquet Hall, 5050 Gun Hill Rd. Bronx. at 1PM.

The Recipe for Celebration Package

A solitary event is not mistaken for fraud if Celebration Package is evenly distributed. A favorite at meetings and in portable snack packages. Some say this is man stuff. Ok!!

Required Ingredients:

1 Unit Floral Temptation
Knobbed Gum Arabic
Strangling Oil
3 Brilliant Stones
Wrapping Crisp
5 Tins Brown Base
Water
Assorted Friendly Powder
Creepy Room

1. You’ve tried to please, and please you will. Put the Strangling Oil in a safe place. It’s bad for the mood.

2. A couple things require zesty snap. Your Knobbed Gum Arabic is a waste unless conditioned. Watch Charles in Charge. That has brotherhood and being in over the head symptoms. Keep your Knobbed Gum Arabic in your ginger hands and thumb it like a pinch pot. You’re not making a bowl! Your Unit Flower Temptation and Assorted Friendly Powder go in the bag that you knew better about. Hire a fucking person.

2. Your Brown Base is basically the thing. Naturally you combine all of it with your Wrapping Crisp and conditioned Gum Arabic. You can do whatever you want. That person you hired is like a priest, but following you. Tell them to do hocus-pocus bullshit with your mixture. It won’t change anything.

3. This is the impressive part. Take that mixture (your person thinks it’s magical!) and smoothly braid it from where you are to your Creepy Room. While that person still believes in you, tell them to empty the bag of Unit Flower Temptation and Assorted Friendly Powder in the Creepy Room in a perfect pile at the terminus of the braided Brown Base, Wrapping Crisp and conditioned Knobbed Gum Arabic. So now you have that braid running right into your pile, and the person you hired might say, “Why did you do this?” Never mind him.

4. Your 3 Brilliant Stones plop neatly into the powder pile and drink your Water right down. You will be running soon. Give the Strangling Oil to that person you hired and say, “Hey, go figure this Strangling Oil out in our Creepy Room.” Shut the door and walk towards the beginning of that braid you made. Light it with fire.

5. First hand, you will understand the mystery of a perfect Celebration Package. Those results will be coming in for the rest of your life. Consider it!

Dict.(Not proofed):Stephen

Don't Let This Guy Into Your Store

On behalf of the NYGA\B, we issue fair warning to all salespeople regarding this jasmine-hunter. What a shleppy yank, "Lord Sheepsnake," did you think we weren't on to you?

Last seen at the Park Slope Barber Shop dishing heavy cream on the Sinatra/Bennett issue with the singing brothers. Needless to say, nary a hair was cut and "L.S." pulled a few cats' tails. You're asking: What's in it for him and why, jesus, why?

He was part of the fold. He was one of the good ones. He made a permanent loaner of his Biological Principles text to the famous Stephen, went behind his back and stole principal funds from the NYGA\B treasury. Seminal IOU's were lost, in addition to the lion's share of the christmas/tracking yarn.

"Lord Sheepsnake" knows his way around the closet. He won't be foiled easily or safely. Within 10 feet, lightly admonish him for (in this order of priority given proximity) his shoes, "muffler," or in dire straits "T-Shirt."

Post all recent photographs to the control center and be safe. We are saving Brooklyn. He will likely say he works for "Zagat" but will mispronounce that word.

We See Your Effort,
Doctor Eight

Therapy - Go Away Short Lists

Stephen signed a pre-nup. He practices litigation (and currently!). Hearts are broken, but we will trounce imposter predators. Some quick updates:

* Vehicle retool - speak with M.
* Dinner planning is cruddy. We stand and set the standard for innovation. If you're reading this, be ashamed that you have slammed Doctor Eight a dingle dangle. Didn't count on a semester off? Spend too much time on your science project? Eight has little sympathy if eggs slid from the menu.
* Also if you have results, post them criminal.

Drop the act, knuckles. If it's your heritage, then consume it.


Yours,
Doctor Eight