Popular Interview With Doctor Eight

RP: I am a well known Radio Personality.

DE: I am Doctor Eight.

RP: You took a seat and you're sitting there, I'm incredulous and fighting off a sort of cold. Let's hear about your recent exploits.

DE: Two. We've pulled our writings together on an internet submission message center that bears my name, which pulls no small embarrassment right on my name. The club's on the same page though, and fulsome or no, we're all eating the same shit. The next project is bike around ride arounds with good deeds. This is the charter. This is the big dance.

RP: Doctor Eight, slow down. Every single listener has one thing on their mind. Who is really Doctor Eight?

DE: Ah. I'm substantial. I feel a tingle when I walk by aggressive teenagers. They toe the line of confrontation! We caulked this club to help people. NYGA\B is a life's work, but I mean, man, what's in a name?

RP: Sweet. No worries. You're my new favorite guy. Hey, what would you say to a young man who wants in?

DE: I'd put him in a kiddie chair and ream his ass raw. It's no place for big mouth gapers with important feeling coolies. This is about one thing, the service. Around with Braces is no idle threat besides. We apply them like a code. A man code? No no no. A helping gesture. I've heard it called equalizers. Ask Old Lady Miller. I think she's accepted several favors from us.

RP: What's that?

DE: What's what? I sent boys over to cool her freshly baked pies.

RP: Last question. What's on your bedside table?

DE: The last thing I look at is a doe. I touch it sometimes.

RP: That's that. Thank you Doctor Eight, and great luck to you.

DE: Fine.

NYGA\B Spirit Music

Club.

Men.

Who do we know?

Who is the artist attending to we blinking and shrinking good deeders? Really, shepards of sorts. We trowl and drop. Drag our hearts across the five boroughs aloft, no, alight with just one tape in our boombox.

What tape?

Who is this dixie demon (in a positive light)?

She requires a little song and dance to be proper about it. It's Tori Amos, but because of the internet submission, well, it's sort of political, or, religious or something. Not to make too much of it. Well.

And I'm ashambles. Of course. Couldn't be any other way. Gather round, cubs. Listen.

Show me the things I've been missin
Show me the ways I forgot to be speaking
Show me the ways to get back to the garden
Show me the ways to get around the get around
Show me the ways to button up buttons
That have forgotten they're buttons
Well we can't have that
Forgetting that
-Tori

If I ever catch one of you men.

If I ever.

Hold my hand, it's warm.

Blessings,
Doctor Eight

James, GO PICK THEM UP. Not asking, sweetheart, telling.

And if you see a wet human, use your shirt to clean them up. That's what we do.

Do not disappoint me.

Doctor Eight

Don't Look Back, Stay on Track, Snack Snack Snack It's A Snack Attack

Mark an effort to limit yourself, whelp. Be self control, don't exercise it for foolish promises produce just diddly, bar none. Look at that humping food. You want to fuck it? You want to show it your coolie and then tell all? About how it filled every little nook and cranny you got with what it was and that that made you cry real hard? Oh I remember being a special kid and having special objects given to me. My skin was so good then. Wasn't it? Wasn't it?

Shame.

Oh shame. Did you think you loved Egypt when you were a doe? Space? Dinosaurs? Go ahead and put the biscuit in that mouth you deserving dingle. Shedd's Spread cocoon, hey, at least you're safe!

THE RECIPE FOR TASTING HAMMERING AWAY FOR COUPLES

Required Items:

1 Bucket Figs
1 Burlap Sack Folded Layers
1 Round Collection Meat Shredded
2 Handfuls Different Mixed Oils
1 Burning Up Bunch of Lard
10 Sprigs Round Herbs
3 Corn Covering
4 Pasta Nettles Hard As You Can Find
2 Complimentary Leftovers
(Ongoing) Replenishment Water

STEPS

1. Get that Replenishment Water going right away. This Project is for couples only!

2. Prime your materials across a large table near your heat, demanded to be at least 460 Degrees F. Do not mess around with this. You'll want your Corn Covering to sear plenty black so get it in terrible heat when you can. Now!

3. You can smash up your Bucket Figs with your Round Collection Meat Shredded. This is a base. Go as far as your partner in the couple will allow you. Pound and pound away at your mixture. Try to destroy it. You can't. Remember your Bucket that your Bucket Figs was from.

4. After all, your Burning Up Bunch of Lard will do a number on your Pasta Nettles Hard As You Can Find. Let them blister and let them burn. Things are heating up. Run your Replenishment Water on your face.

5. Good thing about that Bucket. Some of your Replenishment Water ties the next action together. Stir in your Sprigs Round Herbs, now seared Corn Covering, blistered Pasta Nettles Hard As You Can Find, your Complimentary Leftovers and finally fill in the cracks with your Handfuls Different Mixed Oils. This will accept some of the heat.

6. Drop your well mixed Bucket Figs and Round Collection Meat Shredded into the last mixture. It's all in the bucket now and there are two layers. Every minute counts.

7. Suspend your bucket full of ingredients over your heat. Not too close! It's going to bubble up and you're right to pummel it down and it releases some air. This is going to taste good with brown flavored drinks.

8. Once you're confident about it's cooking, run with it together to your car. Lay your Burlap Sack Folded Layers on the passenger's lap. Ride with your mixture in your Bucket there. Start driving around a tight block, and if you haven't failed the denser elements in your mixture will be drawn to the block by some force. Return, and get your mixture on top of that heat for a quick touch up. You did it and you did it together. It's time to consume that Tasting Hammering Away for Couples.

Do not use your hands!

An Historical Living Tribute, The Golden Dust on Our Heart Has Got to Come from Somewhere. Co-Founder and Conspirator, S.T.A.L.L.I.O.N.

Without him. Well, without his Halloa, there's not much to talk about, gang. As part of outreach, the S.T.A.L.L.I.O.N.'s bio is butter business: for the group and beyond, he must be known.

What isn't a murky start? He ate his way through the first years. Milk for rubbing and milk for scrubbing, the only way he cobbled heroic strength from the starting blocks is milk. Let it be a lesson to you. Get it while you can and rub it on your tummy if there's enough to go around.

But how did he become a king among men? Did he loofah the psychic boils, the mordant trappings of human aspiration, from his body? From his dilated synaptic chambers? Did he dig down and pull it up, or did it yank his bootstraps causing him to present like a rhesus? No takers for that fulsome rib-eye bloom? Fools, all of you. Fools.

We may never know. Possessor of several important fortifying skills. Which is to say, he's different from you. He's an example. A polycractic demander. Without pity, but not without understanding. The old gods are stories that people made up. Good stories.

Bearer of NYGA\B's standard. Bravateur. Do'er of good deeds. Follow S.T.A.L.L.I.O.N. He's got answers.

Peace to You,
Doctor Eight

A Letter of Notable Greetings

Dear Jeff,

You nip on the bud, we've made final decisions. All along, it's been the right place, and plenty noise is being made for you without juking, and instead with adulation and excessive respect. You are around now, little diddle. There are accolades and awards to follow, now that you're part of this club.

Welcome to NYGA\B. You cow. You holy roller. Halloa to you. And Halloa to that Halloa. That's how big we're frickin talkin, spud. We're hosting a chatty dinner in your honor, and it's you and me at the head of the table under the same cape. Just this once. You are to eat and drink with naughty abandon. That's what winning is all about.

What's next, did you ask, my swallow? You'll be fitted for molds in the coming week, and initial work will be done over the weekend by our man. You'll be outfitted. And you will be beautiful.

I am flipped out to announce that your spirit animal is The Dove. We haven't had anything like that for some time, and for the most part it's really dignified. You will be wrapped in our basking and I've got an ascot that you actually didn't know was hiding in your locker this whole time. Welcome to the club, it's not what you're looking for, it's how you look for it.

Well all else for shame, you're a tender addition.

Congratulations. There's a lot of people out there who need a little help. Time for you to answer their call, because that's what we do.

We're the NYGA\B.

Blessings Forever,
Doctor Eight

Some Early In's. Effortlessly pulling rank, the fellow doesn't follow. And test me. There will be no mercy if the lithe fingers touch the lathe.

Later, it will be done.

Doctor Eight

NOTICE TO AGGIE

You left your bags under the couch at headquarters. I find them confiscated. Never do well, you yodel ding-a-ling. Let's talk, and everybody lay off until I've had a piece.

Doctor Eight

RECIPE FOR TASTING DISAPPOINTMENT

Required Items:

1 Spool Unspoiled Wrapping String
2 Heating Handles
1 Oven
4 Tablespoons Climbing Ink
20-30 Grapes Opened Revealing Inserted Spicy Sugar
Sisal Bed Wrapping
4 Legs Lamb (Same Blood Family)
4 Capillary Tubes
1 Bag Sandstone
4 Cups Seasoning

STEPS

1. Unwrap Spool Unspoiled Wrapping String to anticipate the type of work you're going to do. It helps to perform this loosening around your Sisal Bed Wrapping.

2. Get known to your 4 Legs Lamb (Same Blood Family). You've got some time on your hands, and don't waste any of 4 Cups Seasoning, but for trust, pinch off some. Ignore their base making this safer for plunging in your Heating Handles near the top, full of meat. Arrange your Legs Lamb (Same Blood Family) two at a time near your Spool Unspoiled Wrapping String and Sisal Bed Wrapping.

3. Raise your Oven temperature to a killing 700 Degrees F. Nothing else will do.

4. Plunge Capillary Tubes into your Legs Lamb (Same Blood Family), one per. This is the time to pass through your Tablespoons Climbing Ink, right into your Capillary Tubes. Un-Insert and Re-Insert many many times pushing in that Climbing Ink efficiently.

5. You should be thrilled. Thread your Grapes Opened Revealing Inserted Spicy Sugar on the Spool Unspoiled Wrapping String in a cycle around all Legs Lamb (Same Blood Family) as a first step binding. It's possible to alternate fat meat head with alternate base to make things better.

6. The whole bundle is made complete when surrounded by your Sisal Bed Wrapping. Don't forget to include Cups Seasoning which wait for discovery by natural juices!

7. Drop it in your searing Oven, on the contents of Bag Sandstone. Don't pay attention to the Oven for a while, then pay close and special attention. You will know party time when contents of your Bag Sandstone are not just glistening, they're polished.

8. Each human gets one. Please decorate with your polished contents of Bag Sandstone and don't feel sorry for yourself, because you have just made Tasting Disappointment!

Relish this, and eat fast before you must defend yourself!

Some Tutorial for NYGA\B Would-Be's

Clean yourself the fuck up.

This isn't a frat, but it's a men's club. And by men, that means there is an unspoken expectation towards decorum to those with good enough taste to catch that delicate good grace. Big blunt knock for weaker buddies. This is the inside scoop on the imperative club of five boroughs, so listen up. Button your buttons, and fasten on accessories. This is a wild ride imperative = fun and helping people in tiny ways. I'm not telling, I'm yelling. We represent = good and mostly together. We represent.

Doctor Eight

Popular Interview With A True Original

NC: I am a well known newscaster.

TO: I am A True Original.

NC: There are are about a trillion things that distinguish you. Let's get down to details.

TO: All right.

NC: How do you do things differently?

TO: Well, who could advance this long strange tale without organizing things for themselves. Part of the latest initiative is keep track of everything that I say and do. Modestly, it's just the way that words kind of pop out of my mouth. I'll say something. You see where I'm coming from? I'm a little hesitant to throw my weight around with you. Especially because I think so much of the strength that you believe that you have comes from your clothes. The weave is generous. Your face though. Should I not say it?

NC: A True Original, do you worship anything?

TO: Well, I've actually found that things kind of operate the other way around, if you know what I mean.

NC: Ah, let me put it another way. There are plenty of ways to get that whistle in your mouth, but what makes you blow real hard?

TO: I don't understand the words you're saying.

NC: How do you deal with the cult of celebrity that seems to dog you?

TO: I mean, who doesn't like a nice smooth hand job from time to time?

NC: I see. One more question. What's your favorite thing to eat?

TO: If I had to pick, I guess I'd say passing around a hot urn of Tasting Tradition with some close friends. I burn my damn mouth every time, but it's worth it. It really brings people together.

NC: Well, thank you A True Original, good luck. Good luck.

A Big Lesson

Our Digital LIfe:) When you're in bed at night you like to feel like you're in a cocoon, not a drunk humping canoe ride with NO RULES.
Originally uploaded by Doctor Eight.

Cube your head. Ok ok ok. Use a fancy laser beam, preferably a waffly matrix of intersecting laser beams with unlasered spaces between = one square centimeter. Pass that through your head's X-axis. You may need a helper to hold things together. All right. Now pass the lacing together lasers down your Y-axis. Things are about to get real messy. Make sure you stop the laser's progress at your important neck! Ask your helper to collect cubes of your head on a very clean and reflective tray and carry them over to the photography corner. Take detailed and precise digital photographs of every side of each little piece of your head from that metal tray. Depending on the size of your head there could as many as 700 pieces, so don't settle in for a long winter's nap! BE ALERT. Ok, almost done. Take all of those photographs and place them into your computer. Arrange them in there. What you've got is a perfect digital version of your head - inside and out, and if you're really good at computers, you can make it move right there on the screen!

Our Friend Matthew

Creep, why did you return to the scene? The list of grievances is an arms length long and blast it all if I don't have the time to list them. Go take a long walk. Wave of the future, man. Wave of the fuckin' future.

Heyyyyy. Just kidding. Oh. I know. You're delicate. Trembling around the people who menace. Don't kid yourself. I know what it's like to hurt inside. I know what it is to be ridiculed. Let's have a fresh start, ok brother? Let's make nice. It's not hard, it's plentiful. Here put a little bit of this in your pocket. Oop. Yeah, there you go. Don't pat it. Don't you dare.

You've always been the big guy who comes into the room and makes a big hoo-ha with your stinky coolie. Wagging it about. Saying the big gape halloas and knowing the girlfriends and boyfriends. Hey. You. I was saying that shit before just to get you close. Ima smack the bitch up.

You.

First I want to put some cold cream on your face. You really need it. Get the fuck away from me, and get the fuck away from my men's club. You're banned. You are beaten. Your family is a bunch of grass dwellers, crusty duster. Make sure you thank them on my behalf for you. I'll send them a bag of blood that I've been sitting on for a week.

Fed Ex pal. We've got cash, and plenty of it.

Lookin For NY Place To Live

From: *Name*
To: Doctor Eight
Subject: lookin for ny place to live

Hello.. my name is *Name*.. i am a 23 year old producer/sound engineer from l.a and is planning to move to ny in march to continue school.. I am sorta interested in what your proposing. i like space.. i need space... i am a hella cool person to live with.. not uptight about anything... eazy going... 420 friendly.. reply when u can..
thanks for your time

---------------------------------------------------------------

From: Doctor Eight
To: *Name*
Subject: RE: lookin for ny place to live

Hi *Name*,

Nice to meet you. I am so glad that you're amenable to 420 - it's one of my favorite numbers LOL! Any number underneath 400 generally makes me nervous as they are too easily divisible - what with my training!

If you're going to join me in my living space, you should know a few things about me - here are some of my faves (though not in order of priority silly!):

Anything digital - I'm SUCH a technophile:)
My mom's feet.
Using my words!
Planning ahead.
Being laden with the month's groceries walking towards the place - you'll know what i mean.
Silk!
Sharing ;)

Now to you? I'd love some more details. Las Vegas is so far away. What school would you like to attend in new york? I will approach them on your behalf if you would like and talk to them if you live with me. My reference is always myself, and truth be told it's always a good one.

Blessings,
Doctor Eight

Buy your wine at Trader Joe's? Big pop read about two buck chuck in the NEW YORK TIMES and said it's THE SHIT.

Buy your wine at Trader Joe's? My dad read about it in the NEW YORK TIMES., originally uploaded by Doctor Eight.

RECIPE FOR TASTING MACARONI AND CHEESE TWO YEARS BEFORE YOUR DAD'S HEART EXPLODES

Required Items:

1 Box Macaroni and Cheese With Attendant Consolidated Cheezy Flavor Packet
1 Hot Pot
2 Chicken Eggs
Sauce, Hot
2 Parts Skim Milk
8 Raw Frankfurters
1 Big Big Knife
1 Refrigerator
1 Sample Tasting Tradition

STEPS

1. Carefully empty 2 Chicken Eggs into your Hot Pot. It will need around ambient 190 Degrees F to encourage your 2 Chicken Eggs.

2. Squirt Sauce, Hot right over 2 Chicken Eggs in a twisting way. You ought not to mix it further than the swirling that you pump through the air. Monitor your Hot Pot and its relationship to this new mixture.

3. Things are warming up. Utilize your Big Big Knife to coin the 8 Raw Frankfurters.

4. Drink down that Sample Tasting Tradition. You need it here.

5. Distribute your Box Macaroni and Cheese With Attendant Consolidated Cheezy Flavor Packet right into that Hot Pot along with your 2 Parts Skim Milk. The order of this is really crucial.

6. Can't wait! After that's done cooking you need to drop it right in the Refrigerator for some time. Don't be concerned with texture, your Hot Pot needs to descend to at least 22 Degrees F.

7. Pull that Hot Pot from your refrigerator and plop coin 8 Raw Frankfurters in there and you've got the final mixture.

8. Serve it in wide striped bowls to three nine year olds and a six year old. Don't take no for an answer when they balk. Offer them ketchup to pass into that mixture. Ensure they eat every bite for you.

Be careful what you wish for!